Yes, yes, I know. Paris Fashion Week is in full swing, and here I am talking about Milan.

Please excuse my tardiness, but you know, I had originally intended to skip Milan altogether. Not because MFW wasn’t cool (it totally was), but because really, how much Fashion Week coverage is really needed at this point? I  loathe the though of boring myself, and more importantly, you, by succumbing to that internet echo chamber thing we’re all trying to avoid.

To that end, today’s topic does involve Milan Fashion Week, but we’re less interested in the generalities of it, and find ourselves far more interested in the probable muses for some of Prada’s Spring 2013 pieces.

In other words, we’re here to talk about Prada’s cool Kunoichis, and the apparent source of her inspiration, Team Ninja’s Dead Or Alive series.

Anyone who has played Dead or Alive with any amount of consistency, knows that once you’ve mastered the combat system (no easy feat, might I add) and seen every ending, there is only one thing left to do in this eerily bra-less universe. And that is, collect every costume variation.

Don’t look at me like that. You know it’s true.

Have you forgotten Dead Or Alive 2 Ultimate? Where Kasumi had 18 alternate costumes, not including hair variations? And Ayane had a measly 17?  Uhhh-huh. 

Seeing as these deadly ladies seem to prioritize fashion-forward ass-kicking, I am actually surprised we haven’t seen Dead Or Alive: Fashion Week on shelves. It’s not like it would be much of stretch, when you consider the hilariously violent way in which some people deal with Fashion Week related stress.

It makes sense then, that the always unexpected Miuccia Prada would find it in her busy schedule of trail-blazing to create a Spring line Ayane and Kasumi would probably have yet another feud about.

You know it would be real. Kasumi would be dropping from a tree or something, “just to talk” (she never wants to fight) and Ayane would be like, “Traitor! Those are my shoes! Give them back!”  Kasumi would then be forced to respond accordingly, seeing as she did see them first.

And all this time, you thought their animosity was due to Ayane’s complicated home life, and Kasuni being a runaway shinobi. Nope. It’s really all about Prada.

“Geez,” you might say. “No shoes are worth that kind of beat-down.”

And I ask you, how can you be so certain? Have you by any chance peeped these?

I thought not. They even come with removable platforms so that you can choose the severity of the damage your kicks to the face will issue.

Speaking of which, Dead or Alive 5 is out now,  just in time for Paris Fashion Week (ha!). Go play it, and  stay tuned for my  review later on.

That’s all for now. Watch as I disappear in a burst of cherry blossom petals.

 

All runway images via The Cut